so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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