I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
