glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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