Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
