just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
