When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
