i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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