First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's never too late to be topless.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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