things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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