Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
