uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
