The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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