Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
