I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
