can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
