Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
