As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize