some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I queefed so loud it echoed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
