i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
