i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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