i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Randomize
