this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
