yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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