Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize