shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
