The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want nice things and good sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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