It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
