standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
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He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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