"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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