she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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