She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
