I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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