it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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