I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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