We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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