can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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