apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
