4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
