so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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