She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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