It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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