woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
