you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
