1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
