Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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