just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
