I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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