After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
