i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
