Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
