I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
