I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
