so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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